I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize