I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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