he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
