it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
