am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
