I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
