how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
