Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
