Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
