The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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