her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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