Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
