i barfeds in our rink
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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