Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
