I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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