pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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