you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want her autograph on my taint
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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