he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
