i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
