I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
