As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
