i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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