Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Randomize
