I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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