Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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