Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
