I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
