I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize