Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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