You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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