I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
