we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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