people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
