apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
