he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
