Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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