Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
