at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
