Kiss
Puke
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
