When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
