belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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