He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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