Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize