The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
