Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
