dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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