i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
thus making me awesome and them whores
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
