just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love you. Go after that dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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