i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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