What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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