i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
