Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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