shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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