we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
