My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
