i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
birth control should be required to get into college
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
