So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
