I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
