Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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