So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she smelled like a LAN party
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
