My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
