She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
