Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize