mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
