I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
