I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize