we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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