Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
