wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The best revenge is premature balding
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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