Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
