O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
