it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
