what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She bit a glass in half.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
