i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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