Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
