She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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