Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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