Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
