all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
