SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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