Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
